Re-Entering the Workforce—Training for a Second Chance

Last week, in partnership with Motivaim and the Center for Employment Opportunities (CEO), I worked with 20 formerly incarcerated participants of CEO’s job readiness training program. The 5-hour workshop focused on strengthening professional skills related to communication, building relationships and managing difficult situations at work.

Knowing that in California recidivism rates range from 43-65%[1] within the first year of being out of prison, and that secure employment makes a huge difference in beating those odds, I felt the weight of this training more than any other training I have done over the past six years.

As a facilitator, I have to remind myself that I can’t affect or reach every person in a training. This was doubly difficult, knowing that people’s and their family’s future is on the line. Many might say that one training doesn’t make a difference—but paired with holistic services and a support network maybe it could for one person, or even a couple.

During the workshop so many topics came up—participants shared stories about their hopes for the future, their previous work experiences and their fears of being judged. Some came up to me during break because they were so excited to continue the conversation. Despite being a hot day in San Jose and in the training room—our enthusiasm and engagement with each other fueled passionate and meaningful conversations.

After the training finished I have been processing and mulling over the conversations we had the the “Wow!” moments we shared. My biggest takeaway is that regardless of background and work experience—anyone can benefit from the takeaways we shared during the workshop.

So here they are—10 key takeaways for any professional or human being:

(as you read through these—think about which you connect with the most, and of course feel free to comment below!)

1. Finding value in ourselves through inner confidence, compassion and respect goes hand-in-hand with a hard work ethic.

2. The need to feel accepted and have our value recognized at work is a huge driver to how we perform.

3. Not allowing our fears or preconceptions of how others might judge us is fundamental to building new relationships and achieving success.

4. Building a support network of allies and friends is key to finding meaning in our work. and overcoming challenges.

5. Taking risks by using our voice, sharing something about ourselves and remaining open-minded to others can help build stronger relationships.

6. Attitude is everything. We can shift the way we approach work and influence others better through enthusiasm & positivity.

7. Listening and negotiating are powerful tools that: 1) create a safe work environment; 2) help us achieve our goals; 3) build stronger relationships even in difficult situations.

8. We are in it for the long run. Which is why it’s so important to set personal and work boundaries. Our mental and physical health is directly tied to how we perform and manage relationships.

9. Take it step-by-step. There will be ups and there will certainly be downs. Don’t take it personally, remind yourself that change happens slowly and with patience.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Showing vulnerability is not a weakness, it is human. It helps us grow and become stronger leaders.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Find commonalities with people whom we might not think we have anything in common with. We never know when this could turn into an opportunity, could bring about a change, or change someone else’s life.

[1] https://prison2ec.org/facts/

Cross-Cultural Communication (Part 3)

Okay, this wraps up a 3-part series on cross-cultural communication (for now)! Here are more quick tips to improve and check yourself on how you are building bridges every day across cultures.

Send me your feedback! What have you experienced when it comes to this topic? What have I missed? What has been helpful?

1. Avoid idioms and jargon. Create a list of idioms, humor, and “secret language” that your team may use that would be confusing to someone who didn’t grow up in your culture. For example, “We hit it out of the park!” will not make sense to someone who has not grown up in a baseball culture. Host a discussion with your team to help others be more aware of how language choices are an important aspect of increasing inclusiveness and clear communication between all.

2. Do not assume. We cannot assume everyone from a certain culture or background will act the same way, and if we make this assumption, we will end up damaging relationships, undermining our own credibility, and being seen as ignorant in the workplace. Do your research when you are in doubt, listen more than you speak, ask open-ended and non-personal questions to allow the other person to drive the conversation, and keep an open-mind when you hear their response.

3. Do your research to gain some basic insights into another culture (but don’t think it makes you an expert!). Read a novel by an author from that country. Visit a place of worship. Attend a cultural event. Accept an invitation if a colleague invites you to their family dinner or event.

4. Listen and remember. If someone does decide to share more about their identify with you, keep an open-mind, practice active listening and remember what they say so that you can build on the trust that you are forming.

• If they share words from their language with you, learn how to pronounce these correctly and use them in conversations if you think it is appropriate. If you aren’t sure, ask them!

• If they share current events with you, keep an open-mind, ask open-ended questions and research some of these events in your own time. Follow-up with them, particularly about positive current events, if they appear to be excited to speak more about these.

• If they tell you about a holiday or celebration of theirs, do some research to learn more, mark it on your calendar, and ask them about it if they are willing to share.

5. Avoid creating “cultural burden”. Don’t expect that someone else needs to teach you about their culture - this is what I call “cultural burden”. Take it on yourself to research, make the effort, and ask questions when it seems appropriate. But if you don’t get the response you were hoping for - don’t blame that person. They have their own lives and burdens to worry about. Once you can remove a sense of expectation or entitlement from the reason why you want to learn more, things will become much easier to form natural bonds.

6. Be aware of time zones. Who is the one having to wake up early or get on a call late? Typically it is the folks who aren’t at the headquarters. Create a rotating meeting schedule and share the burden of joining calls outside of work hours.

7. Be patient. Building trust takes time, months, years, decades, even. There will be ups and downs, success and failure, just as we experience with any relationship. Keep this in mind and remember to:

• Show humility

• Apologize when you make a mistake

• Move forward with the best intentions for the group, not just you.

Check out this article on nuances in body language cues across cultures.

and it's 2020!

I've been slacking on the blog, but I’m back!

I’m going to make this short and this isn’t going to be some New Year’s Resolution thing - or is it??

This is a confession - I have been slacking on keeping up this Leadership Blog!!

Perhaps drinking too much wine in Stockholm and Copenhagen 🤷‍♀️ + [wine emoji please]

We all have been slacking on something (or many things) in 2019 - and there is no shame in this. I am owning it and going to start a new.

So picking up where I left off - I had a 3-Part Series on Cross-Cultural Communication that I had been planning to launch back in September.

Here is Part 2 of 3 - Please enjoy!

Yours truly,

Mary

Awareness about Individualistic & Collectivistic Culture Can Help Us at Work!

Check out www.unsplash.com for beautiful and non-copyright images! This is in Pamplona, Spain

Two big words, but once you know them, it can be so powerful to how you view the world, yourself and others!

Please note that “always” doesn’t live here, and these are ideas to think about, but does not mean that everyone acts or behaves in a certain way.

Never make assumptions and instead ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS to learn more about someone else, their perspectives, views, and beliefs. Even when you think you know, ask another question!

---

Individualistic

Collectivistic

Typically associated with western cultures.

Typically associated with eastern cultures.

---

Test yourself:

Fill in this blank, “I am _____________________.”

In the United States, most of us think with “I” as the center of why we do things.  And if you are from an individualistic culture, you may have been more likely to answer with a trait or characteristic that describes you.

If you are from a collectivistic culture, you may have answered with a reference to a group or relationship that you are part of.

“I am goal-oriented/tall/34 years old”

vs.

“I am with XYZ company/Muslim/one of four siblings”

Can you see how these different perspectives could misunderstand each other at work?

• When thinking about work relationships individualists and collectivists may take very different perspectives on developing relationships.

Collectivists:

• We are interdependent on each other

• Relationships aren’t voluntary and may even be obligatory

• Relationships are stable and permanent

• Do not want to burden others with their stress and problems and may be less likely to ask for support and help

• Seek out time to spend with those they trust deeply, without mentioning their stress or problems

Individualists:

• View relationships as voluntary

• Perceive that they have a choice to create or end a relationships

• If something isn’t working, they can be more likely to walk away or end a relationship

• Are generally comfortable sharing information, stressors, and issues with others

• Expect that others will freely share information with them

• Are generally okay asking for support from others

How does this show up at work for you?

Share your comments down below!

AND…If you want to learn more about these nuances check out this article!

A Guide to Creating Your Stress Management Plan

Work is generally a huge cause of stress for most of us. Whether it is a work transition, new team or project, too many deadlines, or a difficult manager. Unfortunately, the many things that cause stress (often people) - we can't control. So we develop coping mechanisms--some healthy and some...well you know.

It reminds me of my childhood. I thought I was good at dealing with stress. My parents' divorce, switching schools and houses, and lots of other changes that I had no control over. I learned to adapt. Some things were healthy - I formed a strong friend group, traveled a lot and was open to new experiences. Some things were not healthy, lying to my parents, drinking, and ignoring feelings of anger or resentment.

The way we deal with stress at work probably has a lot of similarities with how we deal with stress outside of work. Do you ignore the feelings attached to stress? Does that lead to strong reactions that you can't control? Or do you get silent, refrain from speaking up in meetings and think what difference can I really make? Maybe you isolate yourself from others and work even harder?

If any of this resonates, it’s worth an effort to get to the root of your stress and how you cope. Once you know your triggers and how you cope, then you can begin to create a simple plan for change.

 

Write it down.

Commit to writing down what stresses you out and the feelings that come with. Do this for one week, and longer if you can. You will begin to identify patterns (what stresses you out and how you typically react/respond) that you may not have been aware of.

Download the template below to CREATE your
Stress Management Plan!

At the end of the week, circle the situations that created the most stress and write down how you reacted or responded. Did you...

• Raise your voice?
• Avoid voicing something that was on your mind?
• Go to the fridge?
• Go for a walk?
• Say something you regret?
• Apologize?

Transform unhealthy to healthy.

Most of us have some unhealthy ways of coping with stress. Here is a list of healthy responses to do instead. (HINT: Keep things simple and choose 1 or 2 of these tips to add to your Stress Management Plan.)

Eat healthy.  If you are prone to reaching for a candy bar, what healthy snacks can you have lying around instead?

Stand up. Get up from behind your desk/computer/screen. Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress. If time is an issue, create bite-size exercise options: Get up from your workspace and move for 3-5 minutes every hour.

Make time for hobbies. It is really important to make sure that work doesn’t consume our lives, no matter how much we may love our jobs. Having interests outside of work relieves stress, increases creativity and will probably make you better or more interesting as a person to work with. What activities give you meaning and job outside of work? (Reading, watching movies, spending time with family/pets/friends, photography, painting, building? Make regular time for these things.

Sleep is golden.  Recharge and reset your body and mind! 

Lay off the caffeine.  Caffeine increases the release of cortisol, which is the hormone that triggers adrenaline and stress!

Create boundaries.  It’s totally empowering to say "No" (respectfully of course!). What time of day can you stop checking emails? When can you turn off your phone - even for an hour? How can you be better at prioritizing and saying “no” to tasks when they aren’t a current priority?

Take time off and stop feeling guilty!  Breaks, holidays and staycations are so important for rebooting, refreshing and re-energizing. Use your vacation and sick time--it's there for a reason. Develop a team culture that prioritizes recharging time by supporting your colleagues to take time off too.

Appreciate the simple things.  Fostering a work culture of appreciation is HUGE for maintaining sustained team motivation and surprise, surprise, manage stress. Make it a priority to appreciate your colleagues, friends & family everyday for their...generosity, attention-to-detail, encouragement, leadership.

Make deeper contact.  Hanging with your special someone(s) (pets included) are everyday things that give us connection - a vital human need. Disconnect from social media and the TV and learn more about those around you.

Find everyday ways to reflect.  Journaling thoughts, meditating for 5 minutes, preparing a meal for yourself and/or others, and short (or long) bursts of exercise in the day can help to disconnect from stress, activate a different part of your brain, and re-energize.

Ask for help.  We can’t do it all - even though many of us (women!) are taught that. Put effort into creating your support network in and outside of work.

• Develop relationships with people from different backgrounds, perspectives, and life experiences.
• Focus on relationship-building at work. Not just with people you like, but with people you need to work well with. Think about the folks whom you have to ask for stuff from. These are the relationships that often get run-down and tense.
  • How can you make effort to appreciate and get to know the ones you don't typically gravitate to? 
• Set-up a check-in with your manager/direct reports/team to discuss a plan for managing stress.
  • What ideas can you come up with together to support the entire team? Check out some ideas here.

Want to read more? I like these resources:

• VIDEO on identifying your "red flags". Tremaine Du Preez, Self-Awareness (Part 2 of 4)
• More Tips on Managing Stress. Psychology Today, 5 Steps for Managing Your Emotional Triggers